Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Rob True's avatar

Coincidently, I posted about this on Blue yesterday.

Since I was a little boy, I spent hours thinking. I was obsessed with the idea of infinity age 6. Mum said she'd leave me sitting in a room and when she came back, I'd be there still, staring into space.

Went on into teens. I played football, went thieving, vandalism, the usual, but still spent hours thinking and imagining. I couldn't read till late, dyslexic. When I left school and started to read, I read the philosophers and found it was just stuff I'd thought as a kid.

I heard others say it blew their mind, made them think, opened their eyes, etc. But to me, it was things I already knew. None of it was a revelation to me. It was natural thinking. Instinct. Common sense. I was surprised others found it so astonishing.

I didn't pass any exams and never did homework, so I had time to think. I also had psychosis from a young age and had visions since I was little. Remember being aware I could see what others can't age 6. So my mind was different to others from young.

I was ill a lot n'all. Hated school so I blagged illness a lot as a boy. I also was mad and spent time off for that too. I reckon being alone a lot like that in altered states of mind made a difference n'all. Just thinking while in altered states of consciousness. Observing.

I reckon a lot of Buddhism ain't too dissimilar to Nietzsche. I love doing fuck all. Absolutely nothing is under rated. Favourite activity is no activity. I also have long periods of avolition, due to being schizophrenic. Staring at the wall. Or me shoe laces. The Abyss. Nowhere Void.

I stole a book called Mind Power age 9. Simple exercises of mind power from self-hypnosis, meditation, visualisation, active imagination, to telepathy. I mastered them all by age 13. Solo mission. Never told the other boys.

I later learnt other forms of meditation. Taught meself folk magic, black magic, hermetic, esoteric wisdom. All on me jack. I never like being part of a group and hate authority. I don't understand conformity and I'm incapable of it.

That's why I couldn't do school, or hold down a job. My magic protected me from police and gangsters for 30 years. Never did a day inside. Survived so many deaths. I had a long time to sit and do nothing. Years of heroin addiction is good for that.

Expand full comment
Annie's avatar

This is very timely for me. Thank you so much.

Expand full comment

No posts