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Mar 21·edited Mar 21Liked by Toby Litt

I hate toothpaste, the taste of it. I never use fluoride either. I heard it shuts the third eye, and I have to say, my psychic abilities are way beyond anyone else I know. I had visions me whole life, since before I was 6 years old. I can do telepathy, know the future, see things others can't and solve impossible problems, and I'm invincible, as well as many other things.

But, because of avolition, due to being schizo, I sometimes don't brush me teeth for days. Or wash either. Me missus makes sure I stay clean, or at least, don't rot to filth. "Go and have a bath, you dirty bastard, you're not getting into bed like that! And brush you teeth, you look like you've been sucking on a shit!"

I got hold of a non-fluoride toothpaste, so when I do have the motivation to clean me pegs, I ain't got to pollute me third eye with that evil tool of subjugation imposed on us by insidious forces to oppress our magical potential.

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