[Blank page.]1
Young-Toby wants desperately to get published.
But what does getting published mean?
It seemed to be something much simpler, in 1990, than it does now. Toby’s image of himself, as a success, involves his words appearing — with limited editorial interference — in a small run of hardback books that have not been vanity published.
Someone else, an editor, must think what he does worth getting out there to readers.
Haloing this, there is the vaguer idea of a literary reputation, and enough money coming in from advances, royalties, foreign rights, film options, patronage and prizes for young-Toby not to have to do anything other than write.
He would exchange all of this for guaranteed posthumous fame. This he has picked up from Keats — who was obsessed with achieving that enduring greatness he saw in Milton and Shakespeare.
But there is no such thing as a certain literary reputation. The once-lauded are forgotten; the never-published-in-their-lifetime are pervasive.
This remains true — a writer will never have any idea of the lasting worth of what they’ve written. It may even be that the suspicion of achievement is what forestalls it.
Today, the threshold to being a published author seems the entrance to a ruined temple rather than the doorway of a cathedral.
You can walk in conventionally enough, through the gap it was once conventional to enter, where the flagstones are worn, but you could just as easily sidestep that and stroll in through the emptiness where the now-collapsed walls used to stand.
Obviously, there were always other ways of sneaking into the space of worship. There wasn’t ever only a single door. But, as I see it, inside seems just as exposed to the sky and winds, seems almost as grassy, as outside. And perhaps that’s a good thing.
Who are the priestesses or priests here? Who guards the altar? Is there an altar, or just a place where archaeologist are fairly sure the altar stood?
If anything is sacred to young-Toby, apart from trees and the moon, it’s publication. Achieving it — as far as he can see — will justify his life up to that point, and may be ultimately redeeming in other kinds of way. That’s why he’s prepared for sacrifice and self-sacrifice.
He believes immortality — in words — is possible.